Instances From Life - I

For a few seconds I was totally frozen. Our eyes met.

“I want to talk to you” she spoke with difficulty.

And before I could even react, I saw Danish disappearing behind the door. There was complete silence in the class that portrayed its emptiness. We’re both alone. We could have forgotten everything, defeated our ego and proclaimed the love we’d for each other. But not every bird gets the worm.

“Sure! Speak” I felt a pull in my short saphenous vein and spoke.

“How can you be so rude about me?” She said with her lips almost drowsing.

“I’ve my reasons for that” I replied almost immediately.

            I just wanted that moment to stay, forever. I mean life was much better in this empty class-room than it is in the populated-colourful world outside. And what else had I ever wanted. It was her; I’d have lived an eternity, watching her tears assembling like little beads on the edges of her eyes. It was like sitting on a shore and imagining the world being submerged.

“But, I mean..Well! If you think everything is finished. What do I have to speak then?” She sighed genuinely, adjusting the sides of her scarf with her index finger.

            I looked into her eyes, her eyeball. It was deep brown. I remembered the first time we’d talked; almost a year had passed since then. The excitement is still the same, I thought.

“Look” I paused “It cannot go on as it is going. I see; you’ve started ignoring me. I mean, we do not look at each other the same way any more. You’ve started to take me for granted. And I can sense the embarrassment you face by the taunts of your friends. Everybody here knows me as the bad person they’ve seen so far, but not that; I don’t want this bad impression to disgust you.” I said.

 I didn’t know if it was really what I had wanted to say. In fact, these were not the same lines I’d been rehearsing but whatever, let it be; I thought.

“But it goes the same for everyone, I guess. And as I feel, it doesn’t matter much to me.” She said in a soft tone.

I could see in her eyes; a caressing look. It felt like she wanted to say something else; more gentle and clear. But something always obstructed the flow.

“Well! I cannot understand what’s going. I’m turning nuts.” I said.

“Okay, I’ll see you later” she said and left.

            I wanted her to stop and tell her how much I love her but I didn’t. I was bleak. There were no optimistic thought of her being in love with me.

“Bastard! Why did you take so long?” Danish asked with mock anger.

“Hmmm…really! I don’t think so” I replied and kept moving towards the school canteen.

“What do you mean? You’ve wasted 20 damn minutes” He said.

“Anyway, don’t screw my feelings this time. I’m so much lost.” Said I while still recalling the conversation and picturing her face in my mind.

“Damn you.” He said.

            It was 1:30 PM and the bell rang. The School Princi was standing in the desolated ground where the buses are parked, signalling everyone to go back to the classrooms.

“Man, I want to punch this monster” he said.

“Ah! You always want to kill people. Why are you so full of hate?” I mocked

“There are so many other people; full of hate.” He said with sarcasm dipping from the tip of his nose.

“What do you mean?” I said and wondered if he was ironically bringing her in the conversation. No, she doesn’t hate me. Does she? She loves me; I thought and smiled.

“Baby, we’ve Chemistry class. Have you completed the notes?” He said.

            Hell, I hated him; our Chemistry teacher. He always seems to be so pissed off. Moreover, he always tries to bring me in his lecture of BAD STUDENTS.

“Shit yaar! He’ll screw me today” I paused “And don’t tell me you’ve completed, because even if you’ve, I’m going to tear all the pages from your notebook. I don’t want to face this embarrassment alone. Don’t even want to see you being appreciated” I said and gave him an I-really-mean-it-you-moron look.

“You can expect no good from me. Even I haven’t completed yet. He is sure of getting us screwed today.” He laughed.

            We reached the classroom. Everybody was there already, even the chemistry pest. I opened the door and unintentionally my eyes went searching for her. I saw her sitting on the last bench. She was looking at me. There was so much in her look, so much that the world lacks, that no one else can ever have. Whenever I found her looking at me, oxygen flushed into my arteries and a feeling of comfort surpassed every other feeling and I felt like the whole world is mine.

“May we come in” I asked in a soft tone, believing it’d melt his heart.

“No, you may get lost. You’re late.” He replied; widening his ugly nostrils in anger.

“Sorry Sir, we’re paying the fee” I said confidently.

“Go, ask the fee-collector to teach you then” He was still firm in words.

“Sorry sir, this won’t be repeated” Danish, finally irritated, spoke up.

“Okay, come in and sit down silently” he replied as if doing a favour in my dad’s income.

            There was something crazy about this man. He always boasted about his being so naughty in the childhood. He openly proclaimed that he was smarter than us in every aspect, be it studying or flirting.

“Let my time come, I’ll beat his big ass with iron rod” Danish murmured.

            Really, when you’re not interested, even marriage would seem to be a funeral. He kept on teaching ‘Carbon and its Compounds’. I wasn’t interested in it. I was interested in Harsha. I was interested in her love. I didn’t want to become a God-damned Chemical Engineer and marry Copper Sulphate. I wanted something else. In fact I wanted Someone Else. But hell, I don’t have the balls to go and tell her; I thought.

“You stand up” he pointed his finger towards me.

“Tell me, what I was teaching. Just tell me what you know about carbon” He asked, standing just opposite to me. When did he come here, Shaktiman saala; I thought and smiled.

I didn’t know what to answer. I was not concerned about Carbon. I was concerned about Harsha. I had nothing to speak. I didn’t know who was Carbon? Where did he live? I rather thought of looking at her. I looked at her, she was confused and scared.

Bang! He slapped me. I looked at him with disgust and as expected he repeated the same line which he’s been since the first day we met, “why don’t you care for the sweat and blood of your father?”

            I again looked at her. She looked sad and angry. I felt so possessive about this. The hard slap I’d received a few seconds ago didn’t hurt anymore. Everybody was looking at me mockingly. I didn’t care. I wanted to talk to her, hold her hand. I wanted to be with her forever.

            I sat down and the Chemistry pest kept annoying Mr. Carbon. “Can he not teach something better?” I spoke to my anger. I looked at Rajan, one of the toppers of our class, and he was so much lost in the faces, that the chemistry pest had drawn on the board, that it almost seemed as if he were telling him how his dad had cheated his mother years ago.

            I was still looking at her when she turned her face towards me. It seemed as if the world has come to a halt. Like it happens in Bollywood, everything began to move in slow motion. Winds began to blow.

“What?” she gestured and smiled.

“Nothing” I made a similar gesture that has feathers of love all over.

“Crazy” She smiled, as if accepting my proposal.

“I am” I gestured back and blood rushed all over my body. My heart skipped a beat after an interval of every 3-second. My eyes blinked more than usual. And I’d not listen to anyone else but my heart.

            The bell rang, the class was over. Finally the Man of Chemistry walked past the door and I sighed in relief. Everybody rushed towards me with their unique line of sympathy. Some even tried to provoke my hormones and advised me to slap him back if it happens again. I didn't care. I didn't even listen. I was obsessed with her thoughts. I was obsessed with her.

“haha! Moron, you’re screwed” Danish mocked

“I will kill you bastard” I said

“Why didn’t you hit him back?” He asked as if I were in the battle-ground.

“My good heart gave him one more chance to live” I said
”But you should have warned him at-least with a punch” He joked.

“I leave that for you. Do it. Next turn is yours” I added

“A dog can only annoy another dog of the same breed, not a tiger” he said

“So, here is our black ass tiger” I spoke up rather loudly

“And there’s his tigress” He said and pointed towards Harsha

“You bastard” I ran after him.

-         Syed Rehan